Awakening

It feels as though the entire universe has opened up to me.  It suddenly feels quite small.  As if it will all fit in the palm of my hand.  All of it within my grasp.  Moreso than the buying and accumulating of stuff and shiny pretty things, the underlining feeling of confidence is just intoxicating.  Who knew it was this simple? Who knew the struggle doesnt really bring you anywhere you want to go?  The absolute lies we are told through our whole lives.  

Having been taught at religious schools and all the crap we are told from such a young age... its amazing we get out of it with any self worth.  In that sense, I feel deeply proud of myself.  Of who I have become, who I continue to be and who I am.  All existing in the now.

First priority is find a new home.  I have seen a few ones I wish to view that look like they will be a great primary residence for us.  Fortunately, I grew up in a historic stately homes so I know the upkeep and care they require.  I know the love that is poured into these buildings that become you.  A home of such magnitude becomes a part of your soul.  It is important to respect the ghosts of the people that still live there, knowing you are a guardian for a short period of time.  

The home loves you back you see.  Its very much a love affair with an untameable mistress.  Its never quite fully yours.  Houses of such magnetude breath their own life.  But you come to an agreement during your marriage.  A union of love and respect.  These homes I look at have their own vivid history and I love that about them.  I will know as soon as I enter the buildings which one is mine. 

In the same way that I knew my husband was for me the minute his presence filled the room when he walked in, so too will I know instinctively which house is for us.